Niagara Independent: Coping with the mental side of COVID

Coping with the mental side of COVID

There has been a lot written and a lot discussed about the impact of social isolation on people’s mental health during the COVID-19 pandemic. From elite athletes to business leaders to stay-at-home parents who aren’t used to their significant other working from home, the new normal is wreaking havoc on motivation levels, focus and overall mood.

Dr. Chris Friesen, a clinical psychologist who specializes in athlete performance and has worked with elite athletes from around the world including Ironman triathletes, UFC fighters, professional hockey players and PGA golfers to name just a few, as well business executives, says this unprecedented time can affect anyone at any time. Friesen himself had to close his physical office located in Grimsby, back in March and now works out of his home using video conferencing like so many others have been forced to use.

Friesen said there is no question that there is a significant risk for people to lapse into a clinical depression given the current state of the world. “People are definitely going stir crazy being stuck at home and having constant feelings of anxiety and worry,” he said. One of the big contributing factors is the lack of structure, particularly for elite athletes who are used to having every minute of every day planned from when and what they eat to where and when they train. There’s also the impact on the Olympics being canceled for 2020. “This could have been someone’s last go at the Olympics,” said Friesen.  “Athletes begin questioning what they can do in the future in terms of competing.” He added that elite athletes tend to be more high energy than most people and when stuck indoors, “this becomes a problem.”

But while elite athletes are struggling so to are most other people.  “Extraverts tend to be struggling more as they are excitement seekers and have more assertiveness.  Introverts tend to be doing okay because they tend to need a lot less stimulation,” explained Friesen.

Regardless of elite athlete or business professional, introvert or extrovert, Friesen said there is one thing that is as good as any medication when it comes to battling depression and anxiety; exercise.  “Exercise does a million great things physically for our bodies, we know this but it’s also as strong as any anti-depressant medication,” explained Friesen.  He said it is important people do some form of daily exercise during a time like this. “It helps your executive functioning in the prefrontal cortex part of the brain. Exercise is a need for many people.” But most people struggle with getting up enough motivation to even begin to exercise. Friesen suggests making a list of all the excuses you will come up with to avoid exercise like being too busy or too tired or too sore. “Commit yourself to exercising for five minutes. If it’s that bad after five minutes then give yourself permission to stop.” Friesen said once you can get to that five-minute mark you will start feeling good and not want to stop. He also suggests to make an exercise schedule but to be specific. “Don’t just say you are going to work out five times this week.” He also adds that working out in the morning is best because humans have a tank full of will power in the morning and as the day goes on that tank empties and makes it harder to exercise later in the day. “We end up with more decision fatigue as the day goes on. Nobody has trouble resisting a big bowl of chocolate ice cream first thing in the morning. People have lots of trouble resisting it in the afternoon or evening.” He said every time humans have to use willpower it depletes the tank and motivation and decision-making is weakened. “If you do the hard things first then your day will go more smoothly.”

In addition to exercise the other very important thing to do in order to fight off a feeling of depression is scheduling and planning. “Having a regular schedule is extraordinarily important.” Friesen suggests wearing your “work clothes” even when working from home and not falling into the trap of spending the day in pajamas or sweat pants and a hoodie. “It’s important to separate work life from home life.” He suggests doing work from a home office as opposed to the kitchen table or living room. The clinical term for regularly scheduling and planning daily activities is “behavioural activation” and according to Friesen it’s a great treatment for depression.  “You want to schedule activities throughout the day that provide two things: a sense of mastery or productivity and also something that provides fun.”

Friesen said the activities scheduled in a day to provide a sense of accomplishment don’t have to be massive projects. “It can be as simple as sweeping the floor or organizing a drawer or cleaning up computer files.”

Another strategy is to embrace the feeling of loss if you are working from home or have been temporarily laid off. “Allow those feelings to be there, it’s a message and it shows how important it was to you.” Friesen said to use that feeling of loss to ignite a fire within you and say to yourself, “I can’t wait to get back.” It’s also a chance to reflect on our current lives he explained. “We are being forced to pause right now and it’s a good time to ask yourself if this was the way you wanted to live your life. Was I doing the right things? Do I want to go back to that? Or was I just busy?”

Probably one of the traps that many people today are falling into, which is getting them out of their routine that Friesen said is so important to stick with, is going to bed later and waking up later. According to Friesen there are three reasons for sleep problems. One is excessive physiological arousal (eating or watching television too close to bedtime), second is cognitive hyperarousal (over-thinking or worrying) and third is circadian rhythm disruption (going to bed/waking up at different times each day).

One of the main culprits to poor sleep habits nowadays is blue light. “It shuts down the production of melatonin which is the hormone that makes you feel tired.” Too many people nowadays go to bed with their laptop, cell phone or tablet emitting a lot of blue light.

While the governments figure out a way to slowly reopen the economy and get life back to some semblance of normality there are many things people can do to stay focused, positive, and productive. As Dr. Friesen said, now is a good time to reflect and revaluate goals. Ignite the flame.

Dr. Chris Friesen, Ph.D. is a licensed clinical, forensic, and neuropsychologist helping professional, national/Olympic, and up-and-coming elite athletes, as well as other high achievers such as entrepreneurs and executives, achieve their personal and professional potential. He is director of Friesen Sport & Performance Psychology in Grimsby, a contributor for Success Magazine, and author of ACHIEVE: Find Out Who You Are, What You Really Want, And How To Make It Happen.

Kevin has spent over two decades as a public relations professional in a variety of sectors including professional sports, the arts, industry and healthcare.  After tiring of the daily commute to Toronto he returned to Niagara and launched The Niagara Independent, an online news source published twice weekly.

He is a graduate of Brock University, Niagara College and the Richard Ivey School of Business. He was named one of Niagara’s 40 Under Forty in 2005.

Kevin is most proud of his twin daughters. He is also a triathlete and four-time Ironman finisher.

Detroit Free Press: Podcast or No Podcast? That is a Question

As you may have heard by now, we started a podcast at Marathon HQ (if you haven’t, you should totally check it out here)! Going behind the scenes, we’re covering different aspects of the race from the Ladies of COBO to how the medical tent runs so smoothly over a five-part series.

Our podcast host, Kevin Heard, has told race staff that each episode is designed to be the perfect length to run a 5k. This got us thinking, ‘is there a perfect podcast length? Should we be listening to podcasts when we run? Do our runners listen to podcasts when they run?’ We needed to know.

We started by asking our followers in an Instagram poll which they prefer, and to our surprise, 20% of people said that they listen to podcasts when they run! Once we started doing some research, we realized there was a lot of information out there about the pros and cons of listening to podcasts or audiobooks or music, and some experts said to ditch anything you listen to altogether for safety’s sake.

To help us sift through all the research, we reached out to Dr. Chris Friesen, an author and clinical psychologist specializing in sport and performance psychology. Friesen says that he’s basically a Sports Neuro-psychologist- but this title doesn’t exist yet! He focuses on brain training and brain-mapping, in addition to studying the brain to create training plans and set goals in sports.

Detroit Free Press/ TCF Bank: “I read in a Washington Post article you were featured in a few years ago that when you run, you open your mind and you’re able to take in different information. Can you elaborate more about what you meant when you said that in 2015?”

DR. CHRIS FRIESEN: “Essentially when you do repetitive tasks that are easy and things we’ve done for a long time, such as running, it is not something that requires much conscious thought so our minds can expand. When your body is doing rhythmic activities, people tend to describe having very profound or positive experiences because our brain works in terms of rhythms.
We can listen to things other than music because we don’t need an external beat to hold a rhythm due to running and walking being so automatic. Music, when it comes to running, can help motivate you, it can help you to release adrenaline. Music is good if you’re running out of energy because it can pump yourself up.”

FREEP: “So what you’re saying is you don’t need to worry about not keeping a pace if you don’t have any music?”

DR. FRIESEN: “Not really, as I mentioned before, your rhythm is an internal thing, you’ll be able to keep a pace, but when you listen to podcasts that are really slow, it can slow you down. Training yourself to listen on 2x speed can help you avoid this, but it can take some practice.”

FREEP: “I have heard that it’s best to listen to thrillers or scary content when you run because it motivates you. Do you agree with that?”

DR. FRIESEN: “Listening to thrillers and exciting things, similar to an exciting song, can help you forget that you’re running and give you a boost of adrenaline. It’s about finding something that you’re absorbed in, but it’s also about making sure you aren’t too absorbed as well.”

FREEP: “I think I know what you are getting at here, are you about to talk about safety?”

DR. FRIESEN: “Of course! You have to pay attention if you’re running through New York City, but that doesn’t mean you can’t listen to podcasts. You have to have a part of your brain still aware of what’s going on around you. There are different types of headphones that are designed so you can hear external noises even with noise cancelling on. Some are designed so that you can still hear your music or podcast or audiobook in your headphones, but they will also pick up certain frequencies like cars honking or people screaming and you can hear those quite clearly. It’s definitely all about safety first, but if you’re in a safe place, I would say definitely give listening a go!”

FREEP: “Is there an ideal length for when you’re choosing a book or a podcast with the intention of listening while you run?”

DR. FRIESEN: “You know that’s a good question. I think selection definitely matters. The other day, I was thinking of this exact thing. I just started a sci-fi book for example, and those can be a little slow to start, and I’ve also been doing a lot of High-Intensity Interval Training (HIIT). The slow-paced book with high-intensity workouts did not mix and I regretted picking that to listen to while I was working out. On the opposite side of things, I have also heard stories of people getting too into what they’re listening to and not wanting to stop running when they’re supposed to. As great as that might sound in theory, it can really mess up your training plan, so you have to be smart with your selections! The good thing about podcasts is that they tend to be close to the length of a run, 20-60 minutes. It often feels great to finish a run and a podcast at the same time.”

If you want to give podcasts a try and don’t know where to start, check out our suggestions below!

  1. Behind the Start & Finish
  2. Reply All
  3. Stuff you Should Know
  4. You made it Weird with Pete Holmes
  5. 300 Pounds and Running
  6. The Running for Real Podcast
  7. I’ll have another with Lindsey Hein

 

Yahoo Life: What is an ‘ambivert,’ and how do you know if you are one?

 

What is an ‘ambivert,’ and how do you know if you are one?

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/ambivert-know-one-163744498.html
Art: Quinn Lemmers for Yahoo Lifestyle
Art: Quinn Lemmers for Yahoo Lifestyle

I’ve always felt a little out of place. I’m social and outgoing enough to work in a career, for close to 20 years, that requires me to interact with hundreds of people each day, yet reserved enough that I want to shut the door and hide when I get home at night. I’ve lived most of my life as someone who is high on extroversion, even though deep down I’ve always thought I have more of the qualities of an introvert.

Feeling a bit confused about my personality type — not quite introvert and not quite extrovert — I knew there must be another category for people who live “somewhere in the middle.” Because the truth is, we are nuanced creatures and very few of us fit perfectly into these divergent personality types.

What I discovered about those of us who are truly in the middle of the introversion-extroversion spectrum is that psychologists have a name for us too — we’re called ambivertsAmbiverts express qualities and behaviors of both introverts and extroverts, depending on the situation. Finally, a description of my personality that made sense.

High or low extroversion: Where do you fit?

Most of us have read about the characteristics of being high or low on the extroversion continuum. And it’s likely you’ve even tried to determine which side of the equation you’re on. For some, finding where you land is easy and comes naturally. For others, it’s like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.

So, what’s the difference between the two?

Art: Quinn Lemmers for Yahoo Lifestyle
Art: Quinn Lemmers for Yahoo Lifestyle

Performance neuropsychologist Chris Friesen, author of the book Achieve: Find Out Who You Are, What You Really Want, and How to Make It Happen, says that with a high level of extroversion, you’re going to feel most comfortable and satisfied when you get your high needs for external stimulation met either through your job, sports, hobbies, friends, or family life.

And if you’re high on the extroversion scale, he recommends having a regular outlet for socializing, experiencing fast-paced, stimulating, and exciting things, or expressing positivity. If you don’t, Friesen says, you will be vulnerable to boredom and low moods.

In contrast, those low on the extroversion scale rarely feel bored when alone or when doing things that may seem boring to an outside observer, especially someone who is more outgoing, or high on extroversion.

Friesen says that if you’re an introvert and get too much stimulation from external sources, you’re predisposed to feel uncomfortable or overstimulated.

Art: Quinn Lemmers for Yahoo Lifestyle
Art: Quinn Lemmers for Yahoo Lifestyle

The life of an ambivert

But what about those of us who can sway either way? What does it mean to be an ambivert?

Clinical psychologist Michael Alcee says the most common definition of an ambivert is an individual who has a balance of both introverted and extroverted qualities. In contrast to a clear extrovert or introvert, who is dominant in one or the other mode, an ambivert, like an ambidextrous athlete, is equally comfortable and skilled in both realms.

Alcee says ambiverts fully recharge and fuel up when both the extroverted and introverted sides of their personality are truly satisfied. In other words, ambiverts constantly need to have a solid amount of time socializing and connecting with others, while at the same time needing a comparable dose of reflective solitude.

If you’re in the middle, says Friesen, you tend to feel more at home with controlled doses of excitement and stimulation, mixed with adequate time scheduled for solitude.

“What this means for ambiverts is that you’ll likely need to be very careful with how much external stimulation you expose yourself to. If your job is highly social, fast-paced, or highly stimulating, you’ll likely need much more downtime after work to recover,” explains Friesen.

Studies, such as the 2013 Adam Grant study at Wharton Business School, have shown that at least two-thirds of people are actually ambiverts, which means that they’re situationally adaptable, and will act outgoing in social situations but also enjoy quiet time alone.

The main strength of being an ambivert is that you’re likely more flexible in terms of which environments you can thrive in. You have the ability to interface with a wide variety of people and situations because you’re well versed in both worlds.

Alcee says another strength of ambiverts is they can be comfortable in a large group and yet also zoom in and really connect deeply with an individual.

“Ambiverts hold a piece of the psychological puzzle that stands to help all of us become the best versions of ourselves, showing how to more fully develop and harness the power of our inner and outer capacities,” explains Alcee.

Like anyone else, ambiverts struggle with being misunderstood not only by their friends, family, and significant others, but also by themselves.

Many times, they are unaware of how they are built, especially since there’s so little discussion of ambiverts in our culture. Alcee says that friends and family can be very confused and surprised by an ambivert’s need to take a break from socializing because they can also be so outgoing and engaging.

That’s why it’s really important for ambiverts to explain how the “system” works, says Alcee.

“Sometimes it can be very helpful to give others an analogy like that of a hybrid car,” he says. “Only it’s helpful to let people know that this hybrid car will not really work unless both its gas and electric sides are charged up.”

Men’s Journal: 7 Resolutions to Build Your Mental Toughness

7 Resolutions to Build Your Mental Toughness by Rachael Schultz

Sure, you can make the same old resolutions to make this the year of getting fitgetting promoted, being a better boyfriend, or being less stressed. But rather than trying to develop one specific thing, you could also try focusing on improving your mental moxie—and see improvements across every aspect of your life.

Mental toughness is about having the psychological edge that enables you to both generally cope well with the many demands—be it competition, training, work, general life—that are placed on you as a performer, as well as to specifically remain determined, focused, confident, resilient, and in control under pressure,” says Greg Chertok, sport psychologist at Telos Sport Psychology Coaching in New York.

Psychological strength is just like physical strength: Some people are born with mental toughness, and others have to develop it. Either way, the more you test your mental muscles, the more your mental fortitude will grow.

Here are seven New Year’s resolutions to improve your mental toughness. Focus on these and you’ll notice stress roll off without a sweat, it’ll keep your focus during one-rep-max deadlift day, and help you make smarter long-term decisions in the new year.

Furthermore: Using the third person can enhance athletic performance

Rachael Schultz

Before or during competition, one of performance psychology’s most powerful strategies is silently talking to yourself. (Think: “I am focused, I am ready.”) In a recent study, researchers from Michigan State University monitored participants’ brain activity while they responded to negative images and painful memories with positive affirmations. The result: self-talk in the third person was more effective than in the first person.

EXPERT INSIGHT

“Words hold power over our brains, which is why using self-talk to motivate ourselves when we’re losing or feel like giving up is so powerful,” says Chris Friesen, Ph.D., director of Friesen Sport & Performance Psychology in Ontario. It can help you stay focused on the process of what you’re doing by increasing your mindfulness in that moment, he adds. “One of the biggest problems we run into during competitions or training is getting caught up by negative thoughts,” he explains. Trying to fight the unhelpful thoughts eats up precious brainpower, so it’s far more effective to psychologically distance yourself from the feelings of pain, exhaustion, or doubt as much as possible. That’s where talking to yourself in the third person comes in. The researchers found that doing so allows your brain to have less of an emotional response to stress without using any extra mental effort.

THE BOTTOM LINE

Create a go-to pep talk, Friesen says, and when you start to feel that pre-race anxiety build, use your name with a positive saying: “Jennifer is prepared and ready to go.” Combat thoughts of giving up by saying to yourself, “Jennifer feels exhausted but pushes on,” or “Jennifer doesn’t give up on anything.” It may feel a little cheesy at first, but you don’t have to actually say it out loud for it to work.

Reader’s Digest: 56 Secrets Life Coaches Won’t Tell You for Free

56 Secrets Life Coaches Won’t Tell You for Free

There is no one secret to life but there sure are a bunch of smaller secrets that can help you have better relationships, be a better worker, and reach your life goals.

ISTOCK/NIKADA

You’re not reaching your goal because you didn’t actually make one

“When you get crystal clear about where you are going on a project, in your career, or in your life, each decision you make will get you closer to or further from that vision. If you are struggling with big decisions it may be because you don’t have your destination clearly identified.” —Alexis Robin, co-founder of pLink Coaching CenterThese 14 daily mantras will help you reach your life goals.

 

ISTOCK/LEVEL17

Switch your default setting from critical to curious

 

“When a situation arises that you’re unsure of, instead of defaulting to feeling critical, try to be curious. For example, if someone brings up an idea you shared a year ago like it is a new instead of saying, ‘I said that last year and you shot it down,’ try ‘That sounds a lot like what I brought up last year. Can you help me understand how this idea is different?’ It’s a small change but can make a big difference in your attitude.” —Alexis Robin. Here are 11 ways to be less judgmental.

 

ISTOCK/M_A_Y_A

Stop trying to be good at everything

 

“People have strengths, and that’s where they should focus their energy. As clients move up the ladder at work, they sometimes take on a false belief that they should be good at everything. This results in them spending a lot of time on things they aren’t good at, when they could delegate it instead. Trust me, you do not want a charismatic and visionary CEO doing the spreadsheets.” —Alexis Robin

 

ISTOCK/YURI_ARCURS

Your body is speaking but you’re not listening

 

“To figure out what’s working in your life and what’s not, start to pay attention to your body. What tasks do you consistently dread? What feels like a struggle for you? What makes your gut feel tight and heavy? What makes you feel worn down and miserable? This information from your body is telling you what you need less of. Think about ways you can reduce the amount of time you spend on things you dread. On the flip side, also notice what makes your heart sing. Which tasks do you enjoy? Which things leave you with a feeling of satisfaction afterward (even if the task itself isn’t fun)? What comes easily to you or gives you a feeling of flow? These are the things to get more of in your life. Few people are able to arrange their lives so they have only enjoyable and satisfying responsibilities. But anyone can, over time, shift the balance so that more and more of your day is filled with what makes you feel good. That’s what makes for a happy life.” —Jill Whitney, LMFT, therapist and author of Keep The Talk Going

 

ISTOCK/SKYNESHER

Stop ‘should-ing’ yourself

 

“Anytime you start a sentence with ‘I should,’ change it to ‘I want.’ This changes your intention and makes you more likely to follow through. So instead of ‘I should go to the gym tonight,’ say ‘I want to go to the gym tonight’ and see how different that feels.” —Roger Ziegler, certified life coach. Here’s how to break a bad habit with the 20-second rule.

 

ISTOCK/BRAUNS

Don’t ignore your nighttime dreams

 

“You can use your dreams as a life guide. Ask yourself a question before you go to bed then when you wake up, record your answer. You’ll be amazed at what your mind is trying to tell you as you sleep.” —Roger Ziegler. Find out 13 tips for keeping your New Year’s resolutions.

 

ISTOCK/MONKEYBUSINESSIMAGES

You’re suffering? Good.

 

“Whether it’s for financial, spiritual, physical, or mental success, my first tip to my clients is to build a positive relationship with suffering. I have had clients that have struggled with PTSD, anxiety, depression, stress, and fear and they’re usually surprised when the first thing I tell them is ‘Great!’ The point is not to get rid of any of these as they are not ‘bad’ emotions despite what we have been led to believe. Instead, embrace them, harness them, and leverage them to work for you.” —Akshay Nanavati, life coach, author, and creator of Fearvana

 

ISTOCK/DJEDZURA

If you’re stuck, pushing harder won’t make you move faster

 

“If you’re stuck on something in your life, take a break from it and learn a brand new hobby or skill. This takes the focus off being stuck, builds confidence and energy around something else entirely, gets your endorphins going, and boosts your serotonin. Eventually this will make it easier to naturally get unstuck in the original problem.” —Lisa Barrington, certified coach and workplace strategist. Don’t miss these 11 daily morning habits of highly organized people.

 

ISTOCK/A75

You’re the one limiting your options

 

“I’ve seen too many people who think that in a given situation they must choose between ‘a’ or ‘b’ and get upset when neither of those things are what they want. But in reality, the world offers unlimited options. You’re the one limiting yourself.” —Lisa Barrington

 

ISTOCK/VGAJIC

You don’t have to be as busy as you are

 

“Many people feel controlled by their schedule so I ask clients who are feeling overwhelmed or out of balance to take at least half of what on their plate off of it. Get as creative as you need to in order to make that happen. Initially, most people think they can’t do it. But the truth is you can—and most do when they really try. Once you have the space to reevaluate, be very deliberate about what goes back on the plate and which value or goal that is meeting.” —Sally Anne Giedrys, life and work reinvention coach based in Portland, Oregon. These are the 10 winning attributes of highly successful people. 

 

ISTOCK/ALIEN185

What, exactly, are you so afraid of?

 

“A high percentage of clients I work with operate out of fear of what might happen rather than faith in what could happen. A lot of this stems from trying to live someone else’s dream or vision for them. Being faith-driven means discovering who you are at your core and then embracing your identity, purpose, and passion. Tuning out your fears and focusing on this will ultimately drive you forward toward achieving a successful outcome.” —Guy Hatcher: Legacy Guy CFP®

 

ISTOCK/DRAGONIMAGES

Be realistic about bad things

 

“Never say never. It limits you for good things to happen and makes the hard things worse, because you swore it would never happen to you. For example, if you say you’ll ‘never’ get divorced, fail a class, or get fired then when one of these totally normal life things happens to you, you feel even worse because you had convinced yourself you were immune.” —Joanne Dennison, MSEd, CMP, the ‘guidance counselor for grownups’

 

ISTOCK/SKYNESHER

Your friends kinda want you to fail

 

“A major mistake I see people making is listening to the opinions of the majority of people around them. Most people don’t like change so they want you to stay the person you are now. Even if this isn’t the best path for you, it makes them more comfortable.” —Joanne Dennison

 

ISTOCK/JOHNNYGREIG

You’re not a one-man show

 

“Many people think that to be successful they can and should do it all alone. But no one succeeds in a vacuum. It’s key to find supporters who can help you like a mentor, a spouse, a business partner, or a life coach. The beauty of the coaching relationship is that it’s very direct and clean, with only one agenda: helping the client achieve his or her goals.” —Joanne Dennison. Find out the most influential self-help books of all time.

ISTOCK/NKS_IMAGERY

Stop giving yourself away for free

 

“Talents, things that are often easy for us, we don’t value highly enough. When we’re doing something we enjoy we often feel guilty about charging for it or give it away too freely. But your talent is your job and appreciating yourself is vital to having integrity, so be grateful for and accept payment.” —Edward Vilga. Here are 16 smart ways to get your boss to trust you.

 

ISTOCK/GEORGECLERK

Don’t repeat the past—if it had worked the first time you wouldn’t be here

 

“I see my clients getting in their own way by repeating their history. For instance, when dating, I see them pick similar people and then continually feel disenchanted when these relationships fail. It sounds basic but it’s a fundamental truth: In order to have something different, we must do something differently.” —Nina Rubin, MA, gestalt life coach and author of Beyond Defeat.

 

ISTOCK/MAPODILE

Stop making up stories

 

“Be aware of when you make assumptions. It’s so easy for us to make up stories about what other people think of us, how a situation might turn out, or what we’re really capable of. When we start to believe these stories we end up keeping ourselves small, develop unnecessary fears and become very judgmental. Try and catch yourself when you make assumptions and ask yourself what proof you have that this is even true.” —Sharon Stokes, life fulfillment coach and creator of The Life Map  

ISTOCK/NKS_IMAGERY

Keep me a secret

 

“Sometimes clients will choose to share with others that they are on a personal development journey and working with a coach. This is great if they share that news with the right people who can serve as support for them. However, sharing with the wrong people when they’re first getting comfortable with it themselves can throw them off their game. People can negatively affect your drive and desire when they have opposing thoughts and feelings. Keep it to yourself at first.” —Sharon Stokes. These are the 22 secrets your therapist won’t tell you.

 

ISTOCK/GEBER86

Procrastination is your worst enemy

 

“When you don’t feel like doing something you know you should do, such as getting up and hitting the gym, start working on a project, or doing your weekly planning, try the five-minute rule. You agree to do the activity for five minutes and if after five minutes you still aren’t feeling it, you can decide to stop. You have to be serious and give yourself full permission to stop, but the reality is that 95 out of 100 times you’ll find that you can and do want to keep going.” —Chris Friesen, PhD, clinical psychologist, director of Friesen Sport & Performance Psychology and author of ACHIEVE: Find Out Who You Are, What You Really Want, & How To Make It Happen

 

ISTOCK/TEMPURA

Your feelings matter a lot less than you think

 

“One mistake I often see people making is making decisions based on their urges, moods, energy levels, inspiration, or other immediate circumstances. But people who are successful recognize that you have to do the work no matter what you’re actually feeling. It doesn’t matter if you feel energized or inspired, all that matters is you do it. The biggest difference between those who achieve their goals and those who don’t is that the achievers don’t allow their feelings or circumstances dictate their actions. Instead, they decide what to do based on their deepest values, purpose, and goals—and then do the work regardless.” —Chris Friesen  

 

ISTOCK/RAWPIXEL

Don’t fall into the self-confidence trap

 

“It turns out that real confidence and positive thinking tend to come after you take action, not before. Our brains aren’t easily convinced by our attempts to convince them, but they quickly learn from experience. So you can tell yourself until you’re blue in the face that there is no reason to feel anxious about your ability to run that series of workshops in front of hundreds of people or that you’re good enough to start competing at a higher level within your sport. The reality is the fastest way to increase your confidence in your abilities is to do it and then pay attention to the results. Our brains easily forget arguments but not experiences. —Chris Friesen. Here are 13 ways to look smarter.

 

ISTOCK/SQUAREDPIXELS

I can’t do this for you

 

“Sometimes clients engage in a type of magical thinking, expecting that all they need to do is hire a life coach and that I’m going to do all the work for them. Then when results are slow, the clients quit or blame me for their failure or lack of progress. You’re going to have to work and work hard.” —Narelle A. Sheehan of Creative Power Coaching

 

ISTOCK/G-STOCKSTUDIO

You’ll never be perfect. Get over it.

 

“I see many of my clients letting the ideal of perfection stop them from moving forward. They think ‘perfect’ is attainable and anything less is ‘wrong’ or ‘broken.’ But there’s no such thing as perfect, and the sooner you accept that, the sooner you can start moving forward in starting a new career, finding love, or cleaning up your diet.” —Daisy Wong, life coach, yoga and mediation teacher. These are the 9 things you need to do before you start a new diet.

ISTOCK/MAVOIMAGES

Believe in yourself or no one else will

 

“You need to accept the truth that the amazing and wonderful version of yourself you wish for is actually possible. This might sound simple or trivial but one of the most difficult things for us to do is to believe that we can become this greater version of ourselves. Helping clients become comfortable and then convinced that this amazing growth in wealth, success, love, employment, or happiness might be possible is the first step as it breaks the paradigm of negativity that we often live in. You’re not too old, it’s not too late, and you will make it.” —Kellan Fluckiger, life coach, CPC, High Performance Grand Master

 

ISTOCK/NKS_IMAGERY

Everything depends on your morning ritual so make it a good one

 

“Most people have a haphazard start to their day. They have no idea what to do in the morning except get out of bed, grab a coffee, do the minimum essentials and barely make it to work. This guarantees a weak start to every single day. It is much more effective to design a ritual that builds your physical health, your spiritual well-being, your energy, your attitude, and your self-love as you start the day. A powerful morning ritual makes everything else you do that day easier. Start with some physical activity to wake up the body then do some spiritual or meditation practice, followed by building a relationship with someone important in your field, and finally doing something to stimulate your mind. This might seem immensely time-consuming, but a well-crafted morning ritual need not take more than 45 minutes and that investment will pay you rich dividends all day.” —Kellan Fluckiger. These are the 10 morning habits of highly successful people.

 

ISTOCK/STOCK_COLORS

Practice being alone

 

“I often give clients homework to do things by themselves. For example, I tell them to go to the movies, out to dinner, or to the theater alone. It’s very empowering to feel comfortable in the company of your ‘self.’ When you are, it opens up many opportunities of things to do that heretofore you would have felt were shut off to you because you didn’t have a partner to engage with in them. If you’re your own best friend the options are limitless.” —Jennifer Guttman, PhD, psychologist and behaviorist

ISTOCK/VGAJIC

Competing makes you a loser

 

“Comparing ourselves to others as a means to evaluate our success is competitive and one of the biggest mistakes I see people making. Instead of competing with others, look at ambition. Ambition is being the best you can be without paying any mind to the success or failures of others around you. The focus is on what you can do to push yourself for you, not to push yourself to be better then the next guy. This is a much healthier and more adaptive way to approach pursuing life goals.” —Jennifer Guttman. Find out the age when the average person is most confident.

 

ISTOCK/LOLOSTOCK

Stop playing the victim

 

“A large part of success is finding meaning in pain and not feeling like a victim of one’s fate. It comes from overcoming your suffering by reaching out and helping others.” —Carol Knox, mindfulness and life coach. These are the work habits of successful people.

 

ISTOCK/PIXELFIT

Someone has to be fabulous; it might as well be you

 

“Don’t count yourself out before you’ve even started. People live dynamic, fulfilling, radically purposeful lives every single day. Why shouldn’t you be one of them?” Chanel Dokun, Founder of LifePlan NYC

ISTOCK/VGAJIC

Never say “someday”

 

“A major mistake people make is in failing to schedule their goals. Unless your tasks are connected to a specific time frame, they rarely get done. Most people miss out on executing their life plan by keeping their ambition in the abstract.” —Chanel Dokun

 

ISTOCK/CASARSAGURU

Stress has to come out somehow so make it a positive outlet

 

“Everyone gets stressed out but some people turn their stress toward something negative, like substance abuse, overeating, or lashing out at others. This energy generated from stress has to go somewhere, but some are not practiced enough in how to turn it to their advantage. Instead, turn in towards things like working out or cleaning your house.” —Makida Bey, MA, certified life coach, therapist, and trainer. Don’t miss these 37 expert-approved ways to manage stress.

 

ISTOCK/MARTIN-DM

Just because you feel something doesn’t mean you have to act on it

 

“You are not a slave to your emotions. For instance, you can accept that you will experience an attraction to people other than your partner–it’s hardwired in the brain–without acting on it or feeding it. Acknowledge the feeling, don’t beat yourself up for it, and move on.” —Patrick Wanis, PhD, celebrity life coach. 

 

ISTOCK/LIDERINA

Know what you can change and what you can’t

 

“Any energy spent trying to change someone rather than focusing on changing oneself is energy wasted. You can’t change anyone other than yourself.” —Patrick Wanis

 

ISTOCK/GEBER86

That resentment you’re feeling? It’s really entitlement

 

“When dealing with resentment, look internally and understand that the resentment is coming from a sense of entitlement. For instance, if you believe you should have had help on a project and your friends or family don’t show up, you might feel resentful. But the truth is you are not entitled to other people’s time or help. Anything that anyone else donates is a miracle and should be treated with appreciation instead of expectation.” —Leaha Mattinson, life coach and author of Silver Linings: The Essential Guide to Building Courage, Self-Respect, and Wellness. Find out 18 things that happy people never do.

 

ISTOCK/3_MIKOLETTE

Loss is a powerful motivator

 

“Rewarding yourself is one way to reinforce good behavior but penalties are also an effective way to motivate yourself. Set a goal and then create a penalty if you don’t follow through. For example, let’s say you want to create a habit around working out. At the beginning of every week, give a friend $100. Tell that friend to only give that $100 back to you if you go to the gym and work out at least three days that week. Psychologically, the penalty works better if it involves losing something you already have.” —John Moore, life coach at My Loved Life

ISTOCK/GEBER86

You gotta give a little to get a little

 

“The best way to get someone to give you respect is to show respect to them first. Think about something you can appreciate about the other person. It can even be something inconsequential like their choice of clothing or colors, their laugh, their eyes. Then concentrate on what it is you like; they’ll see respect in your eyes and it will likely come right back to you.” —Elayne Savage, PhD, relationship and workplace coach, author of Don’t Take It Personally! The Art of Dealing with Rejection

 

ISTOCK/STURTI

Flip-flopping is a good thing

 

“I have a lot of clients who are anxious or overwhelmed so I teach them to play the ‘flip the thought’ game. Anxious people often go through catastrophic ‘what if’ scenarios, so I flip them and we go through the same scenario but with the best possible ending. Your body reacts to situations both real and imagined, so by flipping the thought we change how we feel and act.” —Gretchen Hydo, life and business coach at Any Lengths Life Coaching and author of the advice column #AskGretchenFind out the things you need for emotional intelligence.

 

ISTOCK/UBERIMAGES

Don’t compromise your values—ever

 

“We all have values in different areas of life and when we make decisions that are not in alignment with those values, we sabotage our journey and eliminate passion and happiness. For example, if wanting to be respected is one of your values and your boss disrespects you at work, you will probably never be happy in that position. Honoring your values sometimes takes huge leaps of faith but when you do you find that life works out for the better almost every time.” —Paul Colaianni, personal empowerment coach and author of The Overwhelmed Brain: Personal Growth For Critical Thinkers

 

ISTOCK/PHOTOTALK

Turn off the news

 

“It’s OK to live in your own world. By now, most of us know that we create our own realities by processing life in our own unique ways. It is crucial to be aware of global, local, and personal events; however, our internal reactions are most important. We all have the power to think and behave positively, but many of us have a default mindset of fear, anger, and negativity. It’s OK to flip the ‘positivity’ switch and stay there—don’t let others bring you down.” —Diane Passage, empowerment coach. These are the 10 negative effects social media has on your brain.

 

ISTOCK/DRAGONIMAGES

Highway to the danger zone

 

“Too many people get stuck in the comfort zone. That damn comfort zone—it’s called comfort for a reason—because it’s uncomfortable when you step out of it. All success happens when you cross that line and keep crossing it. Comfortable has never accomplished anything other than mediocrity.” —Diane Passage

 

ISTOCK/PEOPLEIMAGES

You’re not starring in your own reality TV show

 

“Most of my clients love drama. They love the excitement, attention and high from it. Most times when bad things happen they’re just a small bump in the road. But when we embroider things and exaggerate stories to give our ego a boost, all of a sudden that little bump is now Mt. Everest and feels insurmountable. If you want to keep moving forward you have to stop doing this and let go of the drama.” —Rhiannon Rees, Global Coaching Guru top 30, author and speaker. Here’s how to make jealousy work for you.

 

ISTOCK/ZORANM

You don’t need every person to like you, just the right person

 

“Many of my clients feel like they have to please or appeal to everyone. But that’s just not possible. I try and teach them to pick a niche and than that niche can make you rich. The more you narrow your niche and work, the better off you will be and the more knowledge you will possess. People should not try to know everything. Once you know your niche then pick others who will help offset your talents. Gather a team around you and be able to refer out services you don’t do.” —Jo Hausman, author and life coach

 

ISTOCK/PEOPLEIMAGES

Rearrange the furniture

 

Stuck in a rut or on a plateau? Switch something up completely that seems totally unrelated, like change the furniture around in your living room, get a new hairstyle, or schedule dinner at a different time. It is important for the unconscious mind to interrupt the pattern of the behavior in order to loosen up the brain and create desired change.” —Joshua Kirnie, life coach, certified hypnotherapist and director of Alternative Hypnosis NY

 

ISTOCK/VIKI2WIN

Write away stress

 

“To stop work stress from spilling out on the wrong people, take a piece of paper, a pen or pencil, and set your phone timer for five minutes. Then write your answer to this question: ‘What stressed me out at work today?’ When the timer goes off, don’t read what you wrote, just go shred your paper! Writing is a release and reading only ‘reloads it’.” —Carol L Rickard, LCSW, life coach and author of Stretched Not Broken: A Caregiver’s Toolbox for Reducing and Managing Stress. Here’s how a bullet journal could boost your mental health.

ISTOCK/MANFEIYANG

Do you think you could be any more passive aggressive?

 

“People think that by walking away without speaking they are taking the high road and avoiding an argument but walking off in a huff is very passive aggressive. If you need to walk away, say ‘I am unable to discuss this any further right now,’ and then set a time when you will be available to talk.” —Carol Rickard

 

ISTOCK/MEGAFLOPP

Pay attention to what people thank you for

 

“Figuring out what you do best sounds simple but it can be quite difficult for people to pinpoint their strengths. To do this, write down a list of what people thank you for. Understand that what you may take for granted others truly value. This exercise will give you a lot of insight into what you’re meant to be doing.” —Lauree Ostrofsky, life coach and chief hugger at Simply Leap

 

ISTOCK/MONKEYBUSINESSIMAGES

There’s no right way to grieve

 

“You don’t ‘have to’ anything, especially after a loss. People feel as if there’s a protocol they should follow—they should be done grieving or be dating again by a certain time—but there’s no blueprint for loss. You don’t have to do anything that doesn’t resonate with you.” —Shelby Forsythia, life coach and intuitive grief guide. 

 

ISTOCK/CHALABALA

You can’t fix the past so stop trying

 

“People ruminate on how they could go back and magically fix their past mistakes, which only makes them stuck living in a time machine of how their past could’ve been different, better, or more if they had only done X, Y, or Z. But that just leaves them feeling exhausted and unsure of how to move forward in the present.” —Shelby Forsythia. Here’s exactly how to bounce back from an embarrassing mistake.

 

ISTOCK/DJILEDESIGN

Find the gift in the disappointment

 

“A bad first date or a terrible meeting can throw you into a depressing spin cycle. Instead of thinking about what went wrong, ask yourself ‘What is the Gift?’ For instance, if a guy is inappropriate on a first date, then you never have to go out with him again. Viola! Rather than a waste of time, that date saved you months in a bad relationship. This technique can apply to any disappointment. The faster you move to accept the reality the situation, the sooner you can take the best possible action and move forward.” —Karmen Lizzul, life and relationship coach

 

ISTOCK/VGAJIC

Always be first in line

 

“Many studies indicate that people often respond to anxiety with avoidance. Instead of putting off the task you’re worried about, do it immediately, even if it’s just saying hello. Being proactive can free you from the anxiety of having to do what might feel like a chore.” —Denise Limongello, PhD, licensed psychotherapist and life coach based in Manhattan. Find out how to lock in a new habit.

ISTOCK/MONKEYBUSINESSIMAGES

Use people’s names

 

“Research indicates that people often feel more listened to when they hear their name mentioned in a conversation. Mentioning someone’s name while speaking to them can be a great way to demonstrate active listening skills and make the other person feel more engaged with you. Taking the time to insert the person’s name one or two times during a conversation can be a great way to make the person feel they truly have your attention. Improved engagement can be a great way to reduce any awkward moments or prolonged silences during a social interaction.” —Denise Limongello

 

ISTOCK/DRAGONIMAGES

Talk yourself up

 

“Talk about what you are good at and enjoy doing by communicating your strengths to others in a humble, authentic way. This allows others to better understand your unique talents and opens up opportunities for you to connect. Most people are afraid to share what they enjoy doing for fear of lack of acceptance or understanding. However, people can’t know your areas of talent unless you tell them. Practice finding a non-boastful way to share your unique gifts with the world.” —Katie M. Christy, Gallup certified strengths coach and founder of Activate Your Talent

 

ISTOCK/HOOZONE

With structure comes freedom

 

“I think people are afraid to add more structure to their day because it seems rigid or confining but the thing is, the more success you have, the more responsibility you’ll have. Then the challenge becomes how to balance it all. The best way to balance is by creating routines to keep productive momentum going.” —Wade Alters, life coach. These are the 8 things successful people do every weekend.

ISTOCK/KUPICOO

Don’t identify with your mistakes

 

“Too often when people have a lack of success they pin it on themselves, generalizing the behavior as their identity instead of realizing it’s just a behavior or habit they learned. For example, you aren’t lazy, you just have the behavior of being lazy in certain situations—you may be lazy about going to the gym but you aren’t lazy caring for your kids or your cat. It’s not who you are, it’s just a specific behavior you have in certain situations.” —Wade Alters

 

ISTOCK/LJUBAPHOTO

Be “too much”

 

“Don’t listen to people who describe you as ‘too much’ of something, like you’re ‘too bossy’ or you ‘care too much.’ The word ‘too’ is a key indicator of areas of natural talent for you and often the observer is making up for a weakness of their own. Don’t stop being who you are just because someone doesn’t understand your uniqueness.” —Katie M. Christy. Next, don’t miss these tips to improve your confidence.

Charlotte Hilton Andersen, BS, MS, has been covering health, fitness, parenting, and culture for many major outlets, both in print and online, for 15 years. She’s the author of two books, co-host of the Self Help Obsession podcast, and also does freelance editing and ghostwriting. She has appeared in television news segments for CBS, FOX, and NBC.
https://www.rd.com/list/life-coaches-advice/
verily

Verily: Can You Learn Anything Meaningful From A Personality Test? We Asked An Expert

Many online personality tests claim to reveal detailed, insightful, and nearly instantaneous answers about our strengths and weaknesses in relationships, in the workplace, and in the world at large. It can be fun to click through a bunch of hypothetical situations, but is there anything of substance to be gained?

To understand how seriously we should be taking these quizzes and how best to use the results, we put our own line of questioning to Dr. Chris Friesen, Ph.D., licensed clinical, forensic, and neuropsychologist and author of Achieve: Find Out Who You Are, What You Really Want, and How to Make It Happen. Here’s what we learned about how personality tests work and how you should interpret them.

Start with the right test.

Most online personality tests should be taken with a grain of salt, according to Dr. Friesen. “Any measure that is attempting to provide you with information on multiple traits should be based on the Big Five”—that is, the 70-year-old dominant and replicated five-factor model of personality. In Friesen’s words, these five distinct dimensions of personality are:

  1. Negative Emotions: susceptibility to negative emotions and stress
  2. Extraversion: tolerance for external stimulation
  3. Openness: degree of openness to change and new experiences
  4. Agreeableness: attitude toward others
  5. Motivation: degree of motivation and self-control

Dr. Sanjay Srivastava, Ph.D., assistant professor of psychology at the University of Oregon, says the empirically based Big Five is “a coordinate system that maps which traits go together in people’s descriptions or ratings of one another,” the beginnings of which “relied heavily on American and Western European samples” and which is currently being examined across cultures.

Understand the limitations.

“Personality test results are essentially useless without a comparison to a proper normative sample,” Dr. Friesen says. When you take an online test, you may only be comparing yourself to other people who take tests online, rather than a “representative sample of people in your country or a in a particular group such as men or women, people at different ages, college students, etc.,” which would yield more accurate results.

I took the shorter version of the five-factor model Dr. Friesen recommended (find it here), which compared my responses with those of other women in my age bracket. Before I started, a disclaimer on the page made it clear that the test is not meant to diagnose serious disorders nor to be “pleasing or flattering.” Yikes.

The report I received at the end—which did seem on point—reiterated the message: “A particular level on any trait will probably be neutral or irrelevant for a great many activities, be helpful for accomplishing some things, and detrimental for accomplishing other things.”

Tell me something I don’t know?

My report also stated, “Questions about the accuracy of your results are best resolved by showing your report to people who know you well.” So if the test results don’t ring true, feel free to disregard them.

I took a test combining the Big Five and Myers-Briggs theories, too (this one, if you’re curious), and both surveys gave me similar responses. When I shared the former with my husband, we agreed that most of it seemed relevant. But that’s because it was a measure of what we already know about me.

A complex human being cannot be categorized by means of simple yea or nay questions. There is value, though, in being aware of our strengths and weaknesses, of what we tend to do in a given situation. Dr. Friesen reminds us that “by definition, personality traits are enduring ways of acting, thinking, and behaving,” not moods or thoughts that shift often over time.

Can you change your personality? Unfortunately, the answer is not that simple. Our personalities are formed at an early age and tend to remain stable over time, but the more we understand them, the better we can use them to stretch, challenge, encourage, and ultimately become the very best versions of ourselves.

https://verilymag.com/2016/10/personality-test-myers-briggs-personality-types

BY

Men’s Journal: 15 Ways to Improve Your Workout Motivation

by Amy Roberts, C.P.T.

Huffington Post

Huffington Post: Is Your Personality Sabotaging Your Fitness Goals?

Is Your Personality Sabotaging Your Fitness Goals?

So having an awareness of where we are on the continuum is critical to finding what works for us and what doesn’t. And for my purposes here, in order to achieve my fitness goals.

2016-05-10-1462906790-1057286-triphoto.jpg

I am an extrovert.

I’ve taken a personality test periodically over the years and took it again last week because it’s helpful to think about as I’m planning my team’s offsite at work. A light bulb went off in my head midway through the 64 questions.

“No. 32. The more people you speak to, the better you feel.”

Over the course of the six months since my first marathon, I’ve been distracted in my training and finding it harder to achieve a sense of well being or even an endorphin rush after a long run or a workout. And instead of being exhilarated after crossing the finish line at a half marathon at the beach, on a gorgeous, sunny day, two weeks ago, I was disappointed with my performance and unusually moody.

Worse, I’m skipping exercise sessions, sometimes even several days in a row, so I’m not getting the benefits of exercise that are so important to my health – both for now and for the long term – and for my performance at work and in my relationships.

“To feel normal, you need goals, to know what’s next.”

On top of that, for extroverts like me, life just doesn’t feel right without the external stimulation of working with a team and training for a race, Friesen said.

I told Friesen in our telephone conversation about the exercise professionals – my squad – who helped me cross the finish line at my first marathon and how I’ve made it a goal since then to self-train and self-coach. Meaning I stopped working with a trainer or a running coach, and I don’t have any sessions scheduled with my sports nutritionist.

My mantra: I can do this.

I came across Friesen’s new book, Achieve, and reached out to him for additional insight. In Friesen’s practice as director of Friesen Sport & Performance Psychology in Ontario, Canada, he uses the Five-Factor Model of personality, also known as the Big Five, to help his clients find the best strategies to achieve their personal goals critical to their athletic or business success.

Friesen said these five personality traits – better known as dimensions in the psychology world because each trait is made up of sub-traits – are normally distributed within the population. This distribution is in the classic bell-shaped curve with most people falling near the middle. However, most of us tend to fall either above or below the middle point, he said, and where we fall on each of the five personality dimensions has no relationship to where we fall on the others.

So having an awareness of where we are on the continuum is critical to finding what works for us and what doesn’t. And for my purposes here, in order to achieve my fitness goals.

The Big Five and Why They Matter

1. Negative emotions

I know these sound like something you don’t want to have, but, according to Friesen, most professional and elite athletes are high in negative emotions, meaning they are susceptible to feeling anxiety, self-consciousness, irritability, and sadness. People who are high in negative emotions tend to be cautious.

Many successful musicians, actors, and writers also tend to be high in negative emotions, because these emotions foster creativity and passion. It’s hard to write a gripping novel with characters who are anxious if you don’t have a lot of those feelings yourself, Friesen said.

People who are high in negative emotions regardless of where they fall on the other four personality dimensions, Friesen said, are prone to making prevention-focused goals. In other words, these are people who make goals to prevent bad things from happening. For example, you work out because you’re afraid if you don’t you’re going to die of a heart attack because your father had one at your age.

“If you’re high in negative emotions, to motivate yourself, you think of the negative things that will happen if you don’t reach your goal or take an action,” Friesen said.

Not surprisingly, I am low in negative emotions and relatively cool under pressure. I experience anxiety or self-consciousness infrequently, and I’m not very creative or artistic.

2. Extroversion, or a person’s tolerance for external stimulation

Friesen said you can think of an extroverted person’s brain as a car engine that’s naturally revving too low. In order to feel normal, the person would need to seek more external stimulation, whether it’s doing exercise or talking to people. In the psychology world, the trait is commonly known as “extraversion,” which I find interesting because I’m probably extra-extroverted anyway.

People who are more introverted, or who have a low tolerance for external stimulation, have a brain that’s revving high naturally, and too much external stimulation makes them feel overwhelmed, he said.

People like me who have a high tolerance for external stimulation will stick to an exercise routine if there’s a social or exciting aspect to it, such as working out at the gym or running on a busy trail or joining an Ironman or Tri club to train for a race.

People who have a low tolerance for external stimulation, like Friesen, prefer to work out on their own. When they’re at the gym, they may gravitate to a quiet place within the training area or prefer a time when the club is less busy.

My first trainer used to start every session asking me if I’d had a chance to do my treadmill runs on the Woodway, a superior piece of equipment on the third floor of the gym as opposed to the regular treadmills on the main training floor.

“Just stop,” I finally said.

“It’s not going to happen.”

It’s physically impossible for me to run even half a mile on a treadmill in isolation no matter how great that machine is for my hips. I need to run on a treadmill surrounded by other people running on a treadmill.

Preferably next to me.

On both sides.

Friesen said people who have my profile – low in negative emotions and high in extroversion – tend to make promotion-focused goals. This means the trick to getting ourselves motivated isn’t to think of all the bad things that can happen if we don’t reach our goals, but rather to think of all the good things that will happen when we do.

We’re less afraid to take risks and don’t typically sweat the small stuff. We come up with big goals with the possibility of big payoffs. The bad part is we tend to underestimate the risks and the hard work in achieving the goal.

3. Openness to experience

People (like me) who are high in openness are more willing to try new exercises or alternative health care options. If you’re low in openness, Friesen said, you’ll prefer more traditional ways of doing exercises, and you might avoid using the latest great thing to track your workouts or you’ll wait before investing in a gadget or new app.

Because I’m low in negative emotions and high in openness, I have the tendency to grab on to new trends. As a result I’ve had little injuries that ended up sidelining me from running or even swimming for longer than I’d like. My Washington, D.C., physical therapist Kevin McGuinness says this is the “Secret Squirrel Program,” where you combine a bunch of programs or ideas that are good on their own and think that by doing them all or taking little pieces of each you’re going to come up with something better than everyone else.

“Don’t be the squirrel,” he said.

4. Agreeableness, or your attitude toward others

On the high end (me), we’re trusting and reveal how we think and feel. (McGuinness and my trainers and coaches know so much about me I’d have to kill them if I ever ran for public office.) We tend to be more cooperative than competitive with others and don’t have a killer instinct (except for the situation above). People who are low in agreeableness tend to be skeptical and not easily duped, they’re more guarded, more focused on their own challenges, more vocal about what they disagree with, and more competitive, Friesen said.

I race against myself instead of against others, so big races are good for me. The downside is registering for big races and making big goals and becoming disappointed in my results because remember, people like me don’t think of the bad things that can happen if we don’t reach our goals.

5. Motivation & self-control

People who are high in this dimension (me) are ambitious, detail oriented, efficient, disciplined, and more deliberate. We’re great with weekly training schedules and a regimented training plan. Friesen said if you’re low in this trait you’ll need a really big Why to get yourself to exercise. Writing out a list of reasons for exercising and keeping the list next to your alarm clock could be clutch.

What you need to worry about if you have my profile and you’re high in motivation and low in negative emotions, Friesen said, is becoming fanatic about exercise, inviting overuse injuries and re-injuries, and failing to recover, or deload, properly.

A few months ago McGuinness gave me a lower body workout to do on my own no more than two times per week.

You know where I’m going with this.

“There are benefits and pitfalls wherever you land on each dimension,” Friesen said. “All traits are good and bad, depending on the scenario. They are all our strengths and all our weaknesses.”

By now I was audibly (of course) uncomfortable, and Friesen was trying to make me feel better.

“There’s no perfect profile,” he assured me.

“Knowing these things about yourself can be very helpful,” he added.

“And the key to your success.”

Boom.

Our Philosophy

Our Philosophy

We believe:

  •  We don’t feel right unless we are excelling or moving forward
  •  With one life to live, we have one shot to achieve our dreams and goals–we owe it to ourselves to give our best
  •  Nothing happens unless we make it happen
  •  If we really want something, we need to use every tool at our disposal
  •  We often have more natural talent and resources than we are aware of
  •  Many of us have not tapped our full potential. We are not aware of or not utilizing the numerous strategies and techniques that the fields of executive coaching, sport/performance psychology, psychophysiology, and cognitive neuroscience have to offer
  • If we are serious about our success we will leave no stone unturned to achieve our full potential